Mother’s Day can be heavy. I know this, because I’ve felt it. I think it can be a time of complex emotions for many people. There are people that do not know their Mom. So many that wonder about their Birth Mom and First Mom. Many have had their Mom pass away. Mom’s have had their children pass away. So many people have strained relationships with their Mom and on the flip side, Mom’s have strained relationships with their children. There are Step Moms and families that just don’t have Moms at all. I am grateful for the loving, healthy relationship I have with my own Mother. I’m lucky to joyfully honor her every year on this day. However, throughout my infertility journey, Mother’s Day has brought on a lot of uncertain feelings which I wish I could have just wished away.
On Mother’s Day three years ago we had just completed our first IUI treatment and unbeknownst to me I was actually pregnant. Fast forward to a year later having suffered a miscarriage and many more failed IUIs and IVF treatments I was feeling lost and saddened by our reality. Mother’s Day felt like a punch in the gut. I was pained by a day that emphasized everything I wanted to be, but couldn’t. I remember having trouble wishing my own Mom a Happy Mother’s Day because I didn’t want to think about Motherhood in any given way. I was torn apart, aching to be celebrated as a Mom with no control in the matter that it was unfairly not my time. I decided to use the day as a day of forgiveness to myself for the guilt I carried because of the jealousy, sadness, anger, and loneliness I was going through. I decided I needed to do something for myself on Mother’s Day to lighten my mood. So, I went plant shopping! I bought this plant pictured here as a gift to myself on Mother’s Day two years ago. I felt drawn to this lively angel plant before I even knew it’s nickname. It became a perfect reminder of the one we lost and a symbol of the grace and patience that keeps giving and growing throughout our journey. Today my angel plant hangs about five times as long and full as it was when I first stumbled upon it’s beauty.
This year on Mother’s Day I am feeling pretty chill and happy because I am a Mom, but also because I no longer feel the sadness and pressure of having to feel “the right way” on Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there and a special shout out to those that understand the pain of yearning and grieving what was lost or not yet found and what may never be. It is okay to feel any which way you feel.
Needing to shop for the Moms in your life? There’s still some time. Check out my favorite gift ideas all linked below. xo RCN
